Inevitable is Wishful Thinking

It's a little hard to believe
that some old things
still take a huge place in my life,
especially impatience, i guess.

Sometimes, i think about
how i had made certain decisions
and how it affects the present and the future.
It's almost funny,
because things that i thought would never happen,
DID happen, in a way.

And of course, i wish for other certain things to happen
but even though, far deeper in my heart than usual
i have the feeling that it would never happen,
there's something else inside me
that simply won't let go. And in a way
it's killing me almost. but at the same time
it's almost what just forces to keep going.

Everyone is entitled to their own life.
Nothing I can do nor ever will do
is going to change that. Ever.
But it's still wishful dreaming.

"I want to break every clock,
the hands of time would never move again."

-------------------------------------------

Tonight was a good night.
Everyone in the fellowship actually had a little bit
of alone time, which is somewhat rare.
I worshipped a little bit more boldly today when playing
with Adora. I kind of tapped back to old traditions.

Fear. That's what we learned about.
Fear in earthly things, fear in God.
And though i have the fear of a lot of different things,
i know that it's in God's own hands.
There's only so much that i, as a frail human being,
can do. But I'm trusting in loving hands.
Fragile hands. Creative hands. Whatever you wish to name it.

All i can really say is, i'm good to go.