how limited

today, well, let's review.

physics, that went well.
english, same old. fell asleep 3 quarters way through.
philosophy, fun as usual.
math, interesting.

fellowship, horrible.
post-fellowship, just not what i expected.

today, the grade 9's were all gone for take your kid to work day. when seeing the attendance, i figured, wow, it's like last year all over again, so this program should go well.

apparently not.

no one listened, no one paid attention, everyone just added to noise and the point of the message was lost in it. i bet no one even remembers what the discussion was about.
and it really makes me wonder, what the heck am i doing this for? this kinda thing has been happening ever since the beginning of the fellowship, which was over a month ago, how can nothing have changed over that period of time? no one will stay quiet, no one will do what their told, and i feel like i'm the only one doing what i'm supposed to do.

it's often redundant and frustrating and tiring to tell the fellowship you lead to either
1) be quiet and pay attention
or
2) think before you do something.

so what do i do now.

pray. seriously pray. nothing i can do can change the way things are now. i'm lost in this absolute insanity and i'm quite not sure of what to do.

God, forgive them for they do not what they are doing?
i don't know. just, i don't know.