we as in myself and my family.
and it's not to say that my family has a terrible connection, so if you're reading this blog post with the kind of mindset that our family is broken, abandon that thought now.
my sister has made it into CTI ministries, in which she'll be going to another country and use her beautiful singing voice to minister to others. my family asked that i help her fundraise by leading worship at my father's prayer meeting. she needs A LOT of money.
however, for the longest time, i believed that i didn't exactly fit in these prayer meetings, as if God wanted me elsewhere, anywhere but there. part of it is because i feel like God doesn't hit me there, and that the environment i'm in doesn't reflect Jesus to me. i voiced my opinion out today, and didn't get the response i was hoping for. i was thinking they would understand that this is what God tells me, and then from there, the whole conversation gets louder.
i told them in the end that i don't know still if God wants me there, but at the very least i would pray about it with an as-open-as-possible heart and mind. i'm still not sure.
i'm writing this blog with hopes of a response from God. not that he would directly reply to this blog (who knows, maybe he will,) and for prayer support on this matter.
1) that my sister gets the funds she needs in time
2) that i may know if i'm called to do stuff there
"God,
alright... here we go
screw presumptions
screw comfort zones
screw all preempted thoughts
God i wanna be open to what you have to say. i never did hear you at those meetings, nor did i think you wanted me there, but what if this time is different? what if from this point on it's different?
i pray you fill my mind with you and your thoughts.
Amen."
i should say that we have resolved ourselves. we're at good grounds again.
if you read this and have something to say, by all means, please do. God may speak to me through you.
P.S. emphasis to screw comfort zones. i'm going to take a dive for a move that i call "risk everything, lose nothing."
-simon
2 comments:
my sister's going to hk for the summer. and she was actually going to go for CTI. but now she's not going.
i'm feeling mad called to go to missions trip.
i guess i know how you feel. maybe a pint of it. and i guess there's some worry about how we're going to get funds for such big trips.
but i know that it'll come somehow. in the form of me getting a job, or some other thing. but i'll pray for your sister. and for you
no harm in giving it another try.
after going to koinonia for a few times, i didn't like it that much and didn't feel like it would help me with my spiritual life. but i kept telling myself to try...just give it another try.
and now? i'm going almost every week cause it does help me. so who knows? maybe you'll get something out of it, something you never expected.
even though the main reason is to fundraise for you sister, but don't you think that God spoke through your family to urge you to help lead worship?
hope that helps.
c.
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