At a Real Loss of Words

Well what do I say now?

For the last longest forever,
this random lump of dislike had been building
in my heart, where it shouldn't be.
And For the longest time, what do I say?

So I went ranting and raving.
What else do I do really?
I mean I'm one of those guys
who needs to get things out
in any way possible.

So in middle of my ranting and raving,
my good friend, in all honesty and truth
and all love I could even find
had told me the words
that I didn't want to hear,
but I just had to.

"Be the mature Simon I thought I was starting to know..."

So right. And I'm so wrong.
It was great, this friend was just getting
to know the best in me
and when someone discovers the best in you
you can't help but feel
good about yourself.
When they discover that...

And the fact that this friend
had said that she was starting to know me
for the real person that I was
behind all the bad jokes, laughing
cheesiness, all the false fame
that I never really did have.
And now, I kind of shattered that.
She made a joke comment after
but I didn't laugh.
I couldn't.

I'm working hard
to just love this other friend
that built this lump in me.
But it seems like
I broke a promise.
Something I thought I never
could ever do.
And she can say that
she still knows me
But now I'm back to this point where
I don't even know myself.
Who's to blame?
No one. I am? Maybe. Hopefully not.
But I can't laugh.
I couldn't.

I just... couldn't.